Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
