if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Randomize
