u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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