1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
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