its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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