I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Randomize
