i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Randomize
