and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
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