He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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