i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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