so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
