I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
