After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Two words: blizzard sex
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
