Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Randomize
