he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
