I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Randomize
