i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
Reggie can tackle my bush.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
My life is pants optional.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
