I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Randomize
