dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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