So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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