Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
Randomize
