ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
