i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
