yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
She swung at the pinata with crutches
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
