I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
This baby is an asshole
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
