I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
