woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
He? As in you personified your dick?
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Randomize
