Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Randomize
