i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
