1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
I enjoy the company of your penis
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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