If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
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