you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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