this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Randomize
