Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
