he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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