her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
