Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
