I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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