it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
Randomize
