I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
no, he came in my armpit
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
