I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Randomize
