i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
