I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Randomize
