I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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