My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
