Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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