R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Randomize
