I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
We are two peas in an std pod
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
