You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Randomize
