she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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