I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
