You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Randomize
