I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
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