You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
