Slut skills are useful in every country.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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